My therapist illuminated a mind boggling idea.
I always thought that the “real me” was an anxious, can’t-pull-it-off-in-the-clutch, player. It never occurred to me that…That person was not the real me. That the real me was the person removed of the layers of self-doubt and anxiety. That people were not experiencing the real me.
That I was not experiencing the real me.
I am about to embark on a new journey in my professional life. A job was offered that was too professionally advantageous for me to turn down. The job has the potential to grow my skills and take me toward the career path I desire.
Had I gone directly into that job after graduating–I might not have been as prepared–in the sense that my belief in my skills was still a bit wobbly.
Instead, I was hired last summer at a place with friendly coworkers and supportive supervisors that helped build my confidence. My two supervisors mirrored that I was competent, capable and knowledgeable. Both encouraged my input on the discussion of cases and concepts related to our profession and both heard and validated my ideas/perspective. I’ll be leaving soon and I recognize now why I feel a sense of loss and sadness…It would be hard to lose such a positive mirroring place.
More and more I am seeing my strengths and what I am capable of. As I move on I take with me the incredible gift of people believing in me and helping me to believe in myself.
The battle with my self doubts and fears is not over. When people ask “aren’t you excited?” Yes I am. At the same time, I’m scared. But despite my self doubt and fears I will take the leap.
“I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘Do not fear, I will help you.’”
“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.”
“The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.” Franklin Delano Roosevelt
“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt”
Here’s a link to a devotional that I identified with–of someone who wrangles with self doubt and comparisons. “Battling the Three Headed Monster” by Sharon Jaynes: