The following account is my experience and in no way reflects the right way to do things. It was inspired by a comment Nia made to my New Hope post.

When Dave and I got married I too thought Continue reading

My journey–the early years and therapy. Developing hope.

HOPE: A New Ending with Dave

A follow up to the post “I Do Anxiety and I Do It Well”

So I went to bed after 1:30 am on Friday morning fully expecting Dave to be asleep or if he was not sleeping–to turn his back to me and shut me out. But as I lay in bed, Continue reading

I do anxiety and I do it well.

Why am I still up past 1 a.m.?

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. And this week my therapeutic support system went on vacation (my therapist and therapist coworker). My anxiety has been creeping up for the past couple of weeks and I was having a hard time holding it together on Tuesday to get through to the end of my work day.

My work really has me on edge and it’s been kicking up a lot of anxiety in me. This week it overflowed into my home life–and of course to the closest person to me, Dave.  Dave needed me on Wednesday morning. I could tell he desperately wanted me to say that everything was going to be okay with his work situation.  But I couldn’t say it.

If he was in this funk a couple weeks earlier, I could have said it and meant it.  This week, I can’t even tell myself that things are going to be okay with my work–so how am I supposed to tell him that every thing’s going to be okay with his? But that kind of thinking on my part–is probably my stuff being projected onto him.  My worldview at this time of who knows what to expect?  Anything can happen. And it might not be okay.

Yesterday morning I was in a bit of a confrontive mode with him, trying to make him Continue reading