A follow up to the post “I Do Anxiety and I Do It Well”
So I went to bed after 1:30 am on Friday morning fully expecting Dave to be asleep or if he was not sleeping–to turn his back to me and shut me out. But as I lay in bed, he turned to me and said, “Are you still mad? I was trying Kate, I was really trying to hear you. To give you what you’ve been asking for.” I turned to him and I lay my head on his shoulder and embraced him and he didn’t pull away. I said, “I know. You were really trying hard to hear me I could see that. I was mad because you weren’t there for me when I was really scared and anxious about work.” Dave said, “I just needed to hear you say it would be okay.” I said, “I’m sorry I know you needed me to say it was going to be okay. But at the time I just couldn’t say it.”
He embraced me tight. And he held my hand as we both comfortably lay in our sleep space. WOW. He turned to me. He put his experience into words and communicated them to me vs. ruminating on negative thoughts and villainizing me. Something’s shifting.
Friday evening we were talking and he said “you were experiencing your stuff and I was experiencing my stuff and we both couldn’t be there for each other cause we both were dealing with our own stuff.” WOW. That’s big for Dave to recognize–that we were both deep into our own stressors to have the capacity to be there for the other person.
He’s less all good and all bad. He’s able to overcome his initial upset.
There’s hope here.