I wish it weren’t so. That others were not going through the experience of dealing with a suicidal partner. But from the visitors and search terms people use to find my blog, I see that there are quite a few of us out there.
For those of you who leave a comment, thanks for sharing your story. Each story is unique and so personal, so pain-filled. My heart goes out to all of you who are walking alongside a suicidal person. Sometimes it takes me a long time to reply, because I don’t know what to say. I wish there was something I could say to help you through this ordeal….But there are no words. No magical salve.
I see the familiar themes of self blame, the lack of control–that our loved one could choose to take their life at any time. The lack of security. Living in constant fear. Walking on eggshells. Trying to hold back our feelings, and then snapping when we can’t. And then we scold ourselves for not having better control. Not having a voice, losing our identities. Feeling depressed and hopeless ourselves.
My hope is that we can get support for ourselves that moves beyond blogging, reading blogs. That we can discern people around us that are safe to share our story with. That we can share our pain, tell our story face-to-face to. For myself that has been my therapist, and a couple of my closest friends. To have people that we can turn to, to support us through these times. To hear our voice. To validate our experience. To encourage self care. We are worthy of that kind of support and care. You are. I am.
Thanks for reading my blog, for hearing my story.
Thanks for sharing your story.