Yesterday, the organization called, BringChange2Mind shared a link on Facebook, of an art exhibit called, Man-Up Against Suicide, being held at the Foster Eastman Gallery in Vancouver. I watched, Dr. John Oliffe, describe the exhibit in the YouTube video, “Man-Up Against Suicide-Depression Documentary,” on the Men’s Depression and Suicide Network. (Warning–YouTube automatically posts recommended videos on the right side of their site that may differ from the tone/purpose of the link).
The featured artists lives were touched by suicide. Some talked about dealing with their own thoughts, others of family/friends contemplation or completion of suicide.
One speaker, Doug, talked about his friend, Ron, (3:32) having thoughts of suicide. He described his friend as a “very strong person…very warm heart, very kind, very giving, but he doesn’t see that in himself. Here’s this…shiny happy person on the outside, but there’s a lot of darkness and turmoil going on within him.” This was my experience of Dave. I’m attracted and others are too, to Dave’s Continue reading →
Dave and I through the years have both struggled with the question –Should I stay? Should I Go?
There have been a few critical pieces that contributed to us staying together, 1) our Christian faith and values 2) engaging in couple’s therapy and 3) engaging in individual therapy. By engagement I mean taking to heart what we learned about ourselves, each other and our relationship style; applying strategies; taking risks to do new things; bottom line–doing the hard work to change things for the better.
I just wish we got help sooner. By waiting until we desperately needed help, our marriage had Continue reading →
Note: If you are dealing with a possible suicidal person–seek professional help for example, call a suicide-crisis hotline, take the person to an emergency room, or call 911. This post is an account of a day in my life. It is not meant as a substitute for a professional advice.
It’s almost been a year since my husband Dave’s most recent serious attempt.
One afternoon last summer I picked up Dave after he finished work. Waiting in his office I noticed marks Continue reading →
At a staff meeting my boss shared news that shocked the entire staff. I couldn’t breathe. I took deep breaths–but my lungs felt void of air. The room felt heavy, somber. Tears filled my eyes rolling down my cheeks. My boss looked at me, knowing my background and said, “looks like that hit a nerve.” I nodded and said I was okay. She shared her own worries.
I continued to tell myself to take deep breaths. My air supply returned and I stopped tearing. The staff meeting continued as usual. My throat tightened as I commanded myself not to cry, not to feel. Continue reading →
It’s June 2nd. Wow! The 6th year anniversary of my husband Dave’s first attempt has come and gone. (I’ve been posting about my experiences after his first attempt in the “aftermath” thread).
The significance–this is the first year that I didn’t count down to the anniversary date. Instead in the month of May I counted down to my daughter Beth’s 12th birthday. I enjoyed Mother’s day. I mapped out and watched for Beth’s end of school events.
I lived life.
Life’s going well for us.
1) Dave’s taking his anti-depressant medication consistently. He really is a different person off of it or maybe withdrawing from it. Edgier. Irritable. Irascible. In both attempts he went off his meds. Continue reading →
Dave’s checking out today. It’s unclear to me if he’ll be coming home with me or if he’s going to stay with his sister. His sister told him on a visit that instead of ending it all (’cause he’s living with me) he should just come and live with her.
As we walk out, Dave said he’s optimistic. He’s had time to think. He’s glad to be alive.
I recently attended an art therapy training. I expected a sterile presentation on therapeutic sentence stems for client’s to project on.
Instead an artist–in the deepest, profoundest definition of that word–stood before me. Art is Esther Wilhelm’s medium to express her life story, her life story penetrating every line, color, selected item, and word of her pieces.
(Here’s a link to Esther Wilhelm’s story http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WljH6-gBFEg)
Esther’s story was both vulnerable and powerful. Esther apologized for her tears explaining Continue reading →
Dave’s placed on a 3-day observational hold in a behavioral health inpatient facility. In his hospital gown, Dave walks out of the hospital into the ambulance.
I follow the ambulance to the facility. I sign in as a visitor and clip a visitor’s tag on. An aid unlocks the doors for me to enter. Dave‘s weighed, and his blood pressure’s taken. He fills out consent/intake forms. A staff member tells me to come back later during visiting hours. I check the schedule and realize that there’s not much time to visit–just a half hour after lunch and two hours in the evening.