Individual Therapy–Self Care For Me

Right after Dave’s second attempt, I felt like I was falling apart. I would come home and see Dave’s car in the carport and think, “Oh please, don’t let me walk in there and find him hanging!” If he was getting a little irritated with me, I feared he was tipping toward an attempt. I was afraid to voice my irritations with him. Fear and anxiety were taking over my life.

So two months after his second attempt I requested individual therapy.

Individual therapy helped because I didn’t have to censor what I said. My therapist helped me process my feelings about my husband, Dave, in it’s very rawest stage, in the safety of four walls. During the session I could craft the language in a style that Dave, my husband, could hear and take in and prevent him from walling me off or spiraling towards suicide.

I got to hear over and over again that it was not my fault.

I got to process the trauma. Grieve. Heal.

Though Dave’s last attempt was over a year ago, I’m still processing it. It still affects me. The fears and anxieties still erupt and Individual therapy has been critical in helping me get through that year.

I am doing individual therapy to take care of me. To help me. To support me. It’s what I need and I’m doing it to take care of me.

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Therapist On Vacation & Dave’s Red Flags Crop Up

During one of my last individual sessions prior to my therapist’s departure, my therapist and I addressed my fears about the possibility of a replay of Dave making an attempt like the one that occurred just after my therapist returned from vacation last year.  This time we agreed that I could call my therapist as soon as any of Dave’s red flags made an appearance vs. waiting until Dave needed hospitalization.

I really hoped that I wouldn’t have to call.

Thursday night (7/26) Dave Continue reading

“Maybe I should be dead”

Last night:  It’s late.  I towel dry my hair.  I walk toward Dave, he shuts the TV off and  says, “Shall we go to bed?”

I lie next to him. He props his  head up with his arm and looks at me.  He fills me in about what happened between him and Beth earlier in the evening.  I’m sleepy, but I try to pay attention.  I perk up when he says, Continue reading